What is it with this country - despite all its nonsense - when I  am leaving there is regret in my heart - and if it's only for 10 days.

Singapore has been my home for many years and everything there will be familiar. But now I live here in a country most foreigners living here will never understand. All those details so unique to this part of the world have become familiar and at times I am even finding explanations for them.

Still it seems all modernity that is present here has been forced upon it. Somehow this country is not ready for it.

Like this airport I'm sitting in. It is leaps of progress away from the airport I first landed in in September 2005. Then the wires were hanging off a ceiling which had not seen an attempt to repair it for decades. Now this airport has become the domestic terminal and a new international terminal has been built. And yet - out of three customs counters only one is open, the air conditioners are not switched on, there are no loudspeakers to announce the flights and the toilets are squad toilets (!).

There is no indulgence of convenience - and the faces match this.

It is a strange society with a tremendously strong tap on progress - many young ones want to escape this - but can they cope with what the West will force them to adjust to? Still societal changes are on the surface at best - and only in Kabul - and mostly only because there is financial  pressure from donors. Very few men for example want to see real female liberation, everything else is lip service. Many nowadays advocate girls' education - but  how many husbands will let their wives work? 

So why not stay in Singapore? What keeps me here? Cynics - like my mother - will quickly jump to the conclusion that it's only a guy who keeps me here. Well of sorts that's not wrong - but there are wider reasons why he keeps me here: we share a dream, the dream to realise another man's dream. We are hoping now that Dr. Abduallah can win the elections, because he is the only choice that is even remotely related to Amir Sahib, to his dreams, to his ideals. We want to build his memorial ... it sounds not much to be working for as the tide swells against us, but for us that's most there is.