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    September 25

    Kabul Diaries - 25th September

     
    Autumn in Kabul  Wilted rose

     
    It happend exactly last Friday. Suddenly there was bit of a chilli in the shade and sitting in the afternoon sun didn't brake a sweat. It was right there that I knew "summer is over". It was that night that I closed my balcony door for the first time and pulled out a warm blanket.
     
    Autumn is beautiful here - the days are still nice and warm, but at night you need a jacket. Yesterday I rode to the Atmosphere to "chat" with Ahmad and I needed to wear one of my pre-winter jackets and put on a shawl.
    The last roses are blooming on the bushes and I am collecting the last fallen paddles to put them into bowls and onto plates, I cut the last roses and put them into vases.
    Summer is still summer here and autumn is still autumn. Nothing like the European climate where all seasons merge into one - where they have "9 mothns winter and 3 months no summer".
     
    I spend most of my free Ramasan afternoons by the pool, catching a last tan before the pale days of winter. When I return from Germany leaves will fall and soon it will snow.
     
    I am planning vaccations - one week to London and then two weeks to Germany. I will be in Kabul for a whole 7 days in October. But I feel I deserve it - I have worked hard in the last 9 months, now there's a Ramasan void stretched before me so I might as well relax.
    September 12

    The day you died

    "The day you died"
    by Simran

     
    In memory of 9/9 - the tragedy which touched other people
     
    The day you died
    was a humid day
    the fan was spinning on the ceiling
    I slept 'til 10
     
    The day you died 
    I thought of the food for my wedding,
    my gown,
    the man I thought I would love forever
     
    The day you died
    I lost the man I would come to love forever
     
     
     the last journey
     
     
    September 10

    Kabul Diaries 9th - 15th September 07

    9th September


     

    I have been here for exactly a year.

    6pm, dusk. I am so tired. The tiredness which settles upon you after a day out, after a day of sun and wind. So to avert my raising headache I laid down outside on my balcony, on my palang and watched the night chase the day. A nice breeze had started and birds were flying towards to first twinkling stars. It was a perfect end to a perfect day, which I had planned on spending totally differently.

    It was Ahmad Shah Massoud’s 6th death anniversary and I wanted to drive to Panjshir in a car I was planning on borrowing from a friend. But that fell through, so I had made lunch plans with another friend instead. So until Ahmad rang me at 8.20 in the morning I didn’t think I was going to go. But then he encouraged me to just take my bike. “Alone?” “Yes sure, why not”. The reader must remember: we can never go together as we must hide our relationship from everybody. – Compromises you make to not lose the other who has become such a part of your life – against all odds.

    So equipped with authorisation from the highest level I was on my way at 9.30. Through the crowds of early Kabul which today were exacerbated by many vehicles draped in black flags and covered in Amir Sahib’s photos. As always I tried to dress as manly as possible and managed to get away with it in many instances. But then there are always some who spot the woman on a bike – with reactions ranging from shy looks to loudly voiced comments.

    Accross the Shomali Plain and into the Valley. I can drive this stretch in my sleep now. Everything is paved these days, so easy going. I rode through the beauty of this place towards his tomb. Half an hour ride inside the Valley alone. And then I reached the place were there is everything we have left of him. How many times I have been here? I lost count. But I have never seen it this crowded, so many cars. I parked my bike some 100 metres away, de-biked, put on my headscarf and walked to sit next to him yet again, putting down flowers – 5 pink and 1 white rose. The day before I had cried so much, now here again I couldn’t. – I sat down for some 15 minutes, then left.

    I rode to my friend’s house were we had lunch with a couple of other people. Despite our need to keep things as secret as possible, I can see that he tries to find ways and means to bring me there. Every time I go there I love his house and the garden, the view onto the mountains reaching up into the blue sky.

    I left then, separately at about 2.30 and reached home at about 5.00. I am so happy I went – this is one of the reasons why I am here for. To part of what’s left of him, not be a bystander just watching TV programs but actually be here and honour him, him, this incredible man with whom to live my dream I would still give everything for! 

     

     

    12th - 15th September


    I took a trip to Dubai as we had three days of holidays at the beginning of Ramasan. My friend had left for Canada on the 11th and I’m alone for a month now.

     

    The Kabul airport is improving - renovations have started everywhere. The car parks have been structured and rebuilt, the check-in area and customs clearance are taking up a modern and clean shape.

    And Kam Air flights seem to be on time now! To and fro we came and left on time.

    It's good to see such progress.

     

    Nowadays such a trip to a new place is no challenge. You get on a plane, you land, you board a taxi which brings you to your hotel. Places like Dubai are so globally adapted that everything seems familiar – same brands, same things, same everything like in other big cities. They even have a Bread Talk here! Globalisation – love it or hate it.

    But one thing is for sure – Dubai does not by far compare to Singapore. Less sophisticated, no local culture, too many foreigners. This whole place is run by them: Indians and Filippinos mainly. No need to speak Arabic here – Tagalog, Hindi and English are the linga franca.

    No, Dubai is not for me … Even the shopping is not that fantastic, the malls in Singapore are nicer.

    Getting around is a challenge: far too few taxis, no underground system and as a visitor one can’t really figure out the bus system either. Transport-wise I was lucky, though: my first ride away from the hotel I hitched a ride with two other people who had been waiting for a cab for almost an hour – insane!! So that was for free because the loud-mouth Pakistani who was a member of the car-pool didn’t let me pay for my share – well: suit yourself! And then I discovered a free shuttle bus service from my hotel directly to one of the biggest malls.

    It was incredibly hot: 45C !! How do people cope? I was told in summer it hits the mid-50s …

    Then I was supposed to meet Murtaza and his wife … the guy has turned very insecure and confused it seemed to me. When we met for dinner he had postponed me twice during the day already and was late then. He had made no plan were to go, so we ended up eating in a food-court in a shopping mall near-by. Could have figured that out by myself!! Then we thought of getting a drink down town – here again he didn’t have a plan on where to go … so we just ended up driving to Sheik Sahid Road – the main boulevard with hotels, malls and office towers. We looked around Dubai Marina but couldn’t find a place which served alcohol – so I said ‘never mind, drop me back at the hotel’.

    But shopping-wise it wasn’t too bad: I found everything I was looking for, including nice shoes and Indian jewelry. The hotel was very passable indeed, too, with a clean room, a small swimming pool on the roof and friendly service.

    So on average the trip was worth it – for the goal I came here for: shopping and better than sitting around in Kabul alone.

     

    When I came back to Kabul, I was glad to be back. Strange how a place becomes familiar, close to your heart - home even.

     

     

    September 05

    Another year without you

     
    Another year of inactivity ...
     
    Almost another year has past - now it has been 6 years since your passing.
     
    In four days a large number of people is going to gather in the sports stadium in Kabul yet again to commemorate your murder. Then the next day an equally large crowd will gather in Panjshir to do the same.
     
    What are people mourning? You? The increadible waste that was your death?
     
    Certainly that is what they will tell you. What they should be mourning instead is the fact that another year has past without any progress in carrying forward your legacy, your memory, your believes and values.
    We still stare at your unfinished tomb and still the Massoud Foundation has not gotten up from their bottoms. They have collected over 1 million dollars in the recent fundraiser - but what has been done with the money? Has a comprehensive plan been drawn up about what the Foudation wants to achieve?
    What are Wali, Dr. Abdullah and everybody else who claim to have been close to you doing? What in God's name are they doing???
     
    The crowd should be mourning - yes - they should be mourning their own lack of action, the fact that they let down your values and believes. They should be mourning their self-centred attitudes. If each ego of those leading figures could be off-set in gold millions could be raised within a day.